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Sexuality and You 

Why is sexuality important?  Sexuality is about a lot of things, a lot more than most people ever learn in health class at school.  Our bodies and our sexuality is a very important part of our life.  Part of being an independent adult is being empowered to make choices about our bodies and how we express our sexuality.

Sexuality Bill of Rights
From the Empowered Fe Fes (2006)

  1. We are all born sexual.
  2. Our bodies belong only to us.
  3. We have a right to speak about sexuality.
  4. We have a right to enjoy sex.
  5. We have a right to make our own choices about our bodies, including the right to bear children and the choice to terminate a pregnancy.
  6. We deserve respect for our sexual orientation.
  7. We have a right to experiment without being labeled.
  8. Hurting someone physically or with words is abuse.
  9. We have the right to say NO and not be harassed.
  10. We have the right to pleasure ourselves (masturbate) without guilt or shame.
  11. We have the right to demand protection from pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections).
  12. It's fine to ask for what we want sexually, as long as we don't hurt or force anyone else.
  13. We deserve to feel and be loved.

Myths About Sexuality

  1. Sex means intercourse. NOT TRUE: There are a lot of activities that are considered sexual.
  2. The goal of sexual activity is intercourse.  NOT TRUE: Usually, the goal should be about pleasure and all partners enjoying themselves.
  3. Sex equals love.  NOT TRUE: Sex is just a physical act.  Love is about building a wonderful relationship.
  4. Sexual activity should be spontaneous.  NOT TRUE:  Sometimes it’s spontaneous and other times you can play it.  Sometimes anticipating a scheduled time for sexual activity is as much fun as the activity itself.
  5. Masturbation is a sin.  NOT TRUE: Masturbation is something everyone has a right to do and lots, if not most all, people do it.  It does not matter whether you do it a lot or a little.  It is a healthy expression of your body.
  6. Sexually Transmitted Infections are shameful. NOT TRUE: You should be taking precautions against STIs, such as wearing a condom, but it may just happen that you get an STI anyway.  The important thing about STIs is that you see a doctor and take care of the STI right away.  You will probably also need to tell your partner or partners so they can get themselves checked out too.  In the long run, it’s more important to be healthy than to worry about what people will think.
  7. We can't experience sexual pleasure unless we have a partner.  NOT TRUE: There are many things we can do alone that will give us sexual pleasure.  In fact, you have more freedom if you are not depending all the time on someone else to give you pleasure.

People with disabilities have the same right to sexuality as people without disabilities.  We can flirt, date, have sex, break up, get married, have kids and get divorced just the same as the rest of the world.  We may have to be creative about getting some of these things done, but they CAN be done.

 

Sometimes, we worry that someone we like might not like us back because of our disability.  Some of us may not be sure how we might even be physically able to be private or have sex without help.  Some of us may be virgins and be worried that we will never get a chance to be with another person.

 

If you are worried about these things, it often helps to find another person, preferably with a disability, that you can trust and talk to.  They may have ideas about how to solve your problems, like how to approach the opposite sex, dealing with privacy issues, or finding a personal assistant who can help you position yourself for sexual activity.  Learning about these things is one of your personal rights as a human being.  You will feel so much better when you know the right thing to do, and everyone knows that a happy person is a person with sex appeal!

 

Here are some groups that talk about healthy sexuality and knowledge.  Check out their websites or give them a call!

 

Advocates for Youth http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/

 

African American Women Evolving http://www.aaweonline.org/

 

Illinois Caucus on Adolescent Health http://www.icah.org/

 

YouthResource at Advocates for Youth: e-mail a real youth educator with your questions! http://www.youthresource.com/peer_education/index.htm

 

 

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 Links About Disability and Life

Here are some good links to blogs and websites about disability and life!

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